Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
