We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
