Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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