I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
