yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
