Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
