maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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