for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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