You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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