the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Randomize
