I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
