Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
