My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
