So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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