we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
