So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
