my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
