i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
