So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
