where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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