He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
