Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
