Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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