ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
