The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
