sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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