At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
