I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
