Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
