Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
