I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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