She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
