Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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