I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
