I looked at my own cervix.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
