I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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