I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
