After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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