I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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