walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
