you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
