i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
