oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
