i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I party with great urgency now.
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