There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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