I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
