just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
