I could make wine with my vomit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
