Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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