dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
