Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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