how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
