So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize