My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
