i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
