You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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