I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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