I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
