2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
