and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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