Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
