She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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