Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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